National Widow’s Day – May 3rd—Who is a Widow?

In a little over a week, on May 3rd, we have an opportunity to take part in fulfilling a lesser talked about commission in the Bible.

True devotion, the kind that is pure and faultless before God the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their difficulties and to keep the world from contaminating us.

James 1: 27 CEB

God cares about the plight of widows so much He mentions them more than eighty times in His Word—both in the Old and New Testaments. This was always explained to me as necessary in the past because women were extra vulnerable due to depending on their husband for all their needs because they stayed home and did not earn an income. Many of these scripture references included orphans so it just meant to care about people who are defenseless and in need. We tend to rationalize away and water down the significance of our obligation to earnestly and thoroughly commit ourselves to obeying God’s Word. Perhaps it’s time to take the Bible more seriously and seek God for His revelation knowledge.

The loss of a spouse is the number one stressor on most stress scales and is considered one of life’s most devastating events. Most widows lose about 75% of their support base when they lose their husbands. This includes relationships with family and friends, and after just three months that number grows even higher. Their in-laws usually disconnect with most widows after just a year. The risk of death from a broken heart is at least thirty percent higher for widows after just six months of this loss. About seventy percent of widows over the age of 65 live alone.

Is it any wonder God asks us to fulfill His commandment to love one another by taking care of widows? Perhaps you’ve never thought about what it means to be a widow. Consider this description of widowhood shared by Alisha Bozarth.

“Widowhood is more than missing your spouse’s presence. It is adjusting to an alternate life. It is growing around a permanent amputation.

Widowhood is going to bed for the thousandth time, and still, the loneliness doesn’t feel normal. The empty bed a constant reminder. The night no longer brings intimacy and comfort, but the loudness of silence and the void of connection.

Widowhood is walking around the same house you have lived in for years and it no longer feeling like home. Because “home” incorporated a person. And they’re not there. Homesickness fills your heart and the knowledge that it will never return haunts you.

Widowhood is seeing all your dreams and plans you shared as a couple crumble around you. The painful process of searching for new dreams that include only you amount to climbing Mount Everest. And every small victory of creating new dreams for yourself includes a new shade of grief that their death propelled you to this path.

Widowhood is second guessing everything you thought you knew about yourself. Your life had molded together with another’s and without them you have to relearn all your likes, hobbies, fears, goals. The renaissance of a new person makes you proud and heartbroken simultaneously.

Widowhood is being a stranger in your own life. The unnerving feeling of watching yourself from outside your body, going through the motions of what was your life, but being detached from all of it. You don’t recognize yourself. Your previous life feels but a vapor long gone, like a mist of a dream you begin to wonder if it happened at all.

Widowhood is the irony of knowing if that one person was here to be your support, you would have the strength to grieve that one person. The thought twists and confuses you. If only they were here to hold you and talk to you, you’d have the tenacity to tackle this unwanted life. To tackle the arduous task of moving on without them.

Widowhood is missing the one person who could truly understand what is in your heart to share. The funny joke, the embarrassing incident, the fear compelling you or the frustration tempting you. To anyone else, you would have to explain, and that is too much effort, so you keep it to yourself. And the loneliness grows inside you.

Widowhood is struggling with identity. Who are you if not their spouse? What do you want to do if not the things you planned together? What brand do you want to buy if not the one you two shared for all those years? What is your purpose if the job of investing into your marriage is taken away? Who is my closest companion when my other half isn’t here?

Widowhood is feeling restless because you lost your home, identity, partner, lover, friend, playmate, travel companion, co-parent, security, and life. And you are drifting with an unknown destination.

Widowhood is living in a constant state of missing the most intimate relationship. No hand to hold. No body next to you. No partner to share your burden.

Widowhood is being alone in a crowd of people. Feeling sad even while you’re happy. Feeling guilty while you live. It is looking back while moving forward. It is being hungry but nothing sounding good. It is every special event turning bittersweet.

Yes. It is much more than simply missing their presence. It is becoming a new person, whether you want to or not. It is fighting every emotion mankind can feel at the very same moment and trying to function in life at the same time.

Widowhood is frailty. Widowhood is strength. Widowhood is darkness. Widowhood is rebirth.

Widowhood…..

is life changing."

By: Alisha Bozarth

The widows in your life just want to be seen, acknowledged, and encouraged. Most of us have given up trying to explain how we feel and what we need. Most of us have things in our lives we need or would appreciate help with, but either don’t know how to ask or have been hurt or wounded in some way when we tried, so we decided not to try again. The longer we are widows, the less understanding most people are, so we protect ourselves by not talking about it. Hopefully we eventually find safe people who understand and let us share our hearts, but you might be surprised by how many feel very alone.

This National Widow’s Day I encourage you to choose at least one widow in your life and reach out. Maybe its your Mom, or sister, neighbor, or someone in your church. Share an encouraging card, some flowers, or a gift card. Offer to take them to lunch or go for a walk. Invite them to tell you about their husband. See if there is something they need help with, such as lifting or moving something, decorating for a holiday, finding a repair person, or help them with their computer.

Being a light on someone’s journey through grief will not only bless the widow you take time with, it will bless you right back. You’ve heard the saying, it’s better to give than receive. It is a gift that will warm your heart too, and Father God will smile from ear to ear!